Winning friends and influencing people #1

I've finally gotten around to reading How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Apparently, it is one of those books that changes your life and changes your perspectives. As the title suggests, the book gives advice and related stories about how to influence people (not in a sinister manipulative way, might I add).

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I'll share what I learn from each chapter and we'll take some time to try and put them into practice. We learn by doing.

1. DON'T CRITICISE, CONDEMN OR COMPLAIN.

Its easy to find flaws in ourselves but even easier to find faults in others. We've all been in situations where criticising others leads to a who-can-think-of-the-most-insults competition. Defending ourselves is instinct, but it shouldn't be used at the expense of others. Criticisms --> self defense --> criticise you back --> resentment. A relationship could be ruined by simply responding negatively to criticism.

Rather than fighting back, take a couple seconds to take a deep breath and understand their reasons for saying it. Is it true? Did they have a bad day? We can't control the actions and speech of others but we can control our own. It's as easy as not responding or shaking it off and changing the subject.

Think about how you feel when you're on the receiving end of criticism. Actions have consequences, and a negative comment will generally receive negative feedback. If criticism is necessary, phrase it in a more positive way. Carnegie uses this quote: "When dealing with people... We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity." Humans have feelings and likely to react in a negative manner in response to criticism.

Do you want more posts like this? Have you read this book?

Love, V